Susie brings herself around. She gentle lifts up her head. It feels heavy. She shivers. Numb. Her darkened eyes stare at the mess in the mirror; a monster glares back. Wild hair, red blotches mark the face, creases from the carpet have worn away at the once soft skin; now pale. Bloodshot eyes. She blinks. A tear escapes; staining her right cheek as it rolls away.

She finally looks away. Empty. The hairs on her arm erect. The pain has gone but the bruise lingers. The knot inside twists. A groan. Her legs give way as she attempts to stand. Quickly, her fingers grasp the sink . The coolness shoots up her arms. Her head sways.

Focus.

One step at a time. Her feet begrudingly obey her. She clasps onto the bath as she watches herself clumsily walk towards the door. She hugs the door frame. Her eyes tightly shut. How on Earth is she going to make the stairs? Her nails dig into the paintwork. Knees knock. Her body crumbles.

Susie forces herself to sit on the edge of the bath. Her head leans against the wall. Eyes lock onto the swinging light cord...

*Susies bum becomes numb. Maybe sitting on the bath wasn't a good idea. She realises shes biting her nails. Again. She tries to laugh it off. Imagine her sister inspecting them and moaning as shes ruined them. The thought never comes. Her eyes have been glued to the light cord floating backwards and forwards. She tried using it as a timer. That just sped her heart up. She needed a distraction. She couldn't use her phone. It would just make her angry...no new messages. Her fingers tap tap tap. She annoys herself. Tick. Tock. Endless. Her feet decide to wander. Up. Down. Backwards and forwards. Her thoughts twirling, dancing yet struggling to keep with the beat. Too many 'what' questions. She feels the need to go to the toilet again. Don't be silly she tells herself. Though msybe, just maybe she had an infection. Maybe she had worked herself up for no reason.

Her eyes notice the second line. Maybe not. The word vomit comes to mind. What am I goin to do? She wonders as her stomach tightens. *

Susie snaps herself back to the present. Her palms are sweaty. She slides off the bath, curls in the corner, tears flow.

what happened?

The dots appear again. Colours disintergrate. Purple and yellows entwined together. Bruise like. Focus. What happened?
Clanking - glass against glass. Plastic handles straining. Squelching trainers. One foot trudes along. The other shortly follows. The wind scrapes her face. It whistles loudly. No light emits above. Black clouds battle. Eagle eyed. Her feet quicken. Thump. Thump. Her fingers twirled round her keys. Don't. Look. Back. "Sorry", she mumbles; darting inbetween a couple. The bag bangs into her leg. The handles twist; trapping her fingers together. A deep voice swears. Ignoring all voices. Run. RUN! Even her own. Her feet stumble along. Music blares from the pub. Susies peers in. Laughter. Gossiping. She lingers. Soaking up the atmosphere. She drops her keys; rooting in the pocket. Nothing. Her feet begrudingly move away. Susies thoughts drift as she heads home.

* I dreamt of you again. I still can't picture your face. But its you. Walking as the sky lights golden. I'm heading in the wrong direction. Not lost. Letting the hands of time slip away. Brown houses one after the other. A zebra crossing. Waitrose. At the roundabout I go round it as if I am a car. I steadily walk back the way I came. Past a pub garden. The chairs pushed neatly under the tables. It is too quiet. Even the birds do not twitter. As usual my phone disrupts everything. I know its from you. Your name lights up. Carrying on the conversation from yesterday. My fingers linger over the buttons. I close my eyes. Blank. I sigh. I detour back onto the main road, eyes down, feet racing. I stop. I refuse to look to see when the next bus is due. I blink at the empty round. Then I am awake. No new messages. And still I'm waiting. *

Susie pours herself another glass of wine. She must stop thinking. Her hand cranks up the music. She jigs around her living room, head banging, fist in the air, "I'M MR BRIGHTSIDE". Her hands swing around as she plays air guitar. "Ouch!," Susie groans as her arm colides with a chair. She swears and staggers onto the sofa. "Bloody idiot," she mutters to herself. Her hand rubs her arm. Purple colouring is beginning to form. Her head rolls back, her eyes trying to shut. Suddenly she bolts upright. I need more drink she thinks. She knocks back her wine; her face shudders at the sharpness. Grapping the bottle she decides to change over the cd. Thats better, she thinks as she swigs from the bottle, much better.

Susie snaps out of her daydream. She peers at her left arm. It has doubled in size, purple with hints of sickly yellow and green. Rubbing it hurts too much. She leans her head against the toilet. She has a feeling she is going to need it. Spinning and spinning. She slowly breathes in and out. Her eyes avoid her reflection. What happened? She tries to refocus but her thoughts blurr past. Bang bang in her ears. Her throat is ablaze.

a vague beginning....

Suzie ignores the thumping, tries to escape the shadowy outlines that seem to grasp out to  her. A flash of bright white light. Her time has come? Some voice chuckles - don't be daft it tells herself. Like lightening it turns purple but within an instant its green, then red. The colours shoot up and rain down.

Fireworks.

No stars twinkle. The clouds mist above; lingering in wait. Suzie's breath puffs out in sharp bursts. She pats her hands together and wriggles her toes in time to the music in the background.

"Come here," a warm whisper in her ear.

Arms envelop her, squeezing her together, the warmth passing through every inch of her body. She feels her heart warm quickly. She snuggles in, resting her head on a shoulder. Briefly closing her eyes, the bangs and 'awww' and 'oooo's become vague noises. The sweet smell of candyfloss is replaced with one she was well accustomed to. One she wished she didn't. It was not one people would recognise. It was nice to her.

It was the smell of him.

The wake up

The dots still linger over her eyes despite rubbing them. Flashing black holes. Gradually they begin to fade. The colour disintergrating. Purple. Then yellow. Like a bruise. Objects force themselves into focus. Shattered glass. Clumps of tissue. Pipes connecting to the radiator. Susie scrunchies up her eyes; her fingers trying to shed away the blurriness. Her head sways as she lifts it off of the floor. She grabs hold onto the radiator. Her head flops on top. The harshness of the coldness stings her forehead. Breathe in. Breathe out. Achoo! Her head bounces. Hands try to steady it. Echos of the sneeze vibrate through her body. Bringing her knees up, she wraps herself tight. Stop. -

Begin.

Again.

Eyes shut. Visions evade. Seeking. Now is not a time for games. "I will find you", she mutters. Hoards of people, places, screams of delight. Quick. Over there her head tells her. Memories flicker past. I choose you. Snatch. It is like opening a window into another world. The colours are sharp. Susie blinks.

Start.

Again.

Waiting

Nothing moves whilst Susie carries on staring; her emerald eyes a vast void. A tiny droplet plops. A shiver slithers down her back causing her fingers to unclench a little. The phone is smeared in sweat. The time is -. What is the time? Peering closer she notices that only five minutes have gone. She glances at the top of the screen. Nothing. As usual. She blinks away the stinging sensation in her eyes. Her bottom lip bursting to bleed. She drops the phone into her lap.

Muck has discoloured the walls. On closer inspection the stains look like they have been shedding tears. The tiles above the sink are a sickly colour. Yellowish. She scuffs her trainers against the blue carpet. It was the first time she realised nothing matched. The bath towels are aqua. The hand towel is red. Her dressing gown lifelessly hangs off of the door. The edges of the sleeves have turned brown. The belt is frayed. The wooden laundry basket stands alone in the corner where it has been pushed aside. Clothes are trying to escape.

Her body crumbles. She allows herself to curl up. She squeezes her eyes shut. Maybe if she tightens up enough she’ll disappear. Numbness invades inside. Her head twirls. The voice gets louder and louder. Her hands clasp her ears. A scream wants to slip out from her pursed lips. No. No. NO! Suddenly she jolts upright. Fingers twitching to find it. They clumsily pick it up. Her heart thudding. It had beeped. Shaking her hand manages to press the unlock button. She’s positive that she had heard it beep. Her blurry eyes anxiously look down.